NOTE: The following information on marriage counselling is general in nature and does not necessarily apply to your situation. It should not be regarded as advice. You should seek the advice of an appropriately marriage counsellor or other appropriately qualified professional for guidance on your specific situation.

What does Marriage Counselling involve?

When you see one of our marriage counsellors for the first time they will speak to each of you to gather information about the nature of your relationship problems, their causes, your relationship history, etc. so they can get a full picture of your current situation and develop a counselling plan to address these issues. The marriage and relationship counsellors in our practice are all psychologists with postgraduate training, who have expertise in identifying the source of relationship conflict and formulating a counselling plan that addresses the specific issues of each couple.

Counselling often involves training in a variety of relationship skills, each of which is aimed at addressing a particular issue in the relationship. The couple will also usually be given tasks to complete between sessions to enable them to put into practice skills covered in their session. Some of the skills that are likely to be addressed include: problem solving skills training, training in more effective communication, and strategies designed to overcome negative patterns of interacting. However every couple is different and presents with their unique set of issues. For this reason relationship therapy is flexible, adjusting not only to the particular problems that the couple present with initially, but also to any new issues that become apparent in the course of counselling.

The ideal frequency for sessions is usually weekly to fortnightly in the initial stages. However as therapy progresses the frequency of sessions is often reduced. Not surprisingly, just as the nature of relationship issues varies, so does the number of counselling sessions that are likely to be required to address them. In practice couples often attend for somewhere between six and eight sessions.

The goal of counselling is not simply to discuss issues that are currently causing friction in the relationship, but to equip the couple with the skills to better understand each other, communicate more effectively, and overcome future relationship difficulties. Couples learn to recognise negative patterns that cause conflict and to work together as a team to deal with these situations in positive ways designed to bring about resolution.

When should we consult a Marriage Counsellor?

Many couples do not consult a marriage and relationship counsellor until very late in the process of relationship problems developing. Unfortunately, as a general rule, the longer the problems have been present the more work that is required to resolve them and the smaller the chances of success of the counselling. One reason for this is that as a relationship deteriorates resentment can build over time and the obstacles to communication can increase. The result of this is that people tend to be less motivated to deal with problems they face and the extent of emotional pain involved in confronting the issues that need to be dealt with can be greater than either or both parties are willing to accept. Problems also tend to be compounded and increase in complexity over time.

For all these reasons we encourage couples to seek help sooner rather than later. Many people feel it signals failure that they require outside input into their relationship and this holds them back from seeking help early in the piece. However it is really a sign of health for people to seek assistance early in the development of problems rather than waiting until they are entrenched. In fact some couples seek counselling before any significant problems develop, in order to "fine tune" their communication patterns and prevent any major problems setting in.

Email: office@marriagecounselling.com.au

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